As a single almost 25 year old, I’m starting to get a lot of questions. Questions that include, but aren’t limited to:
“When are YOU going to find somebody and settle down?” (Everyone else in my family is married with two kids.)
“Do you even like guys?”
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“If you’re not careful, all the men are going to be either divorced and/or have something wrong with them. Doesn’t that worry you?”
It’s SO crazy to me how people just assume that since I’m single, I’m unhappy. Since when are happiness and being in a relationship synonymous? I LOVE being single! I honestly have never felt as confident, as driven, or as “me” as I have the past couple of years. A few months ago, I joined a social media group made up of girls and women looking for advice – to give it and receive it! It’s been such a blessing. I’ve made several wonderful friends who have supported me so much throughout my process of starting this blog! However, one recurring topic I’ve seen several girls talk about is how sad/worthless they feel because they aren’t in a relationship. Apparently this is a widespread issue!! And that is ABSURD. So I decided to write down a few of my thoughts in the hopes that at least ONE girl will read this and actually take it to heart. Here are some habits I’ve developed over the years that have led to me being one. happy. sassy. girl.
Focus on improving yourself for YOU, not so you can land a guy.
Take that guitar class. Get in the gym. Learn a second language. Hone your cooking skills. But do it because you want to impress yourself, not anyone else. Decide something that you want to get really good at, and work at it. Hard. It may surprise you how much you can accomplish when you’re not mindlessly swiping left or right.
Stop looking at other women as your competition.
For what seems like forever, girls have been competing with each other for boys’ affections. And for what? What’s the point of life if you don’t have girlfriends to share it with? If single girls would start spending less time trying to figure out how to catch the attention of the male species and spend more time building relationships with other girls, the world would be a happier place.
Discover your passion.
While this isn’t the case for some, I think most girls who dwell on their singleness do so because they haven’t found something they’re truly passionate about. I’ve tried for years to figure out what my passion is. At first, I was discouraged because I felt I had too many passions! Music, theatre, writing, social media… It wasn’t until just a year or so ago that I realized my passion is storytelling. Nothing brings me more joy than connecting with people and telling them a good story. I just happen to have several ways of doing just that! And once I started really honing in on those abilities, I forgot that I was single. I’m just me, an independent woman, confident and EXCITED to see what pursuing my passion brings me.
Think about all the things you CAN do without a boyfriend/husband/kids… and DO THEM.
If I wasn’t single, I don’t believe I would have had the gumption to pursue my dream of being a travel blogger. In fact, there are a lot of things I can do that I won’t necessarily be able to once I’ve got another person in my life. I can travel on a whim. I can flirt with whomever I want! I don’t have to feel responsible for someone else’s happiness. I can go out with my girlfriends (and guy friends, for that matter) and not be made to feel guilty! I can literally make any life decision without worrying about how it’s going to affect my significant other. I’m not saying there aren’t plenty of good things that go along with being in a relationship, but instead of focusing on the things I don’t have, I focus on the things I do have.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS.
I cannot stress this enough. As soon as I developed this habit, and I mean REALLY developed it, it was like I became a completely different person. I’ve spent my whole life worrying about what other people think. What they think about how I look, or how I act, or if I’m capable of finding a mate. But you know what? What business is it of theirs? Why is it ANYONE’S business but mine what I look like or how I act or if I’m single? As long as I’m shining this little light of mine and treating others the way Jesus would, I am doing GREAT. Because I’m strong. And smart. And kind. And independent. And beautiful. And I can be ALL of those things while single. I don’t secretly wish I had someone to cuddle with (I have a dog for that. Lololol.) or feel sad that I don’t have a wedding date. So don’t feel bad for me. And don’t feel bad for yourself if you’re on the single bus with me. Because let me tell you, it’s a great place to be.